That's when you crack a 10am beer
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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