upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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