Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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