I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
