I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
NoShamevember. You game?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Loading more great texts...