Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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