apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
