brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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