You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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