In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
