Small penises have feelings too.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
