shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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