Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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