dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
