You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
