i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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