If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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