Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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