I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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