just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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