We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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