Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
