I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
