so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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