We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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