It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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