My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
