but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize