just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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