Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
