why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
