Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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