why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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