I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
