that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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