My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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