I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
