Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
