I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
