I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Houston, we have a blender
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
