I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
