No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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