did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
