sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
