if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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