he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
