Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
