she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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