So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
