I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
