dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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