drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
