she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
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It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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