My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
