Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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