I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
