I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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