You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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