I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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