before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
