Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
