Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
