Got a toothbrush?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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