i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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