If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
