actually, I'm a sock model
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
