well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
