my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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