please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
