someone threw a dead crab at me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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