Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
