The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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