We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it because I queefed?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
