found the other keg... it's in the tree
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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