So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
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