I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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