this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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